February 2012
154 posts
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Will you trust me?
When you’re unsure of something – an opportunity, a task given to you, a dream coming true in front of your eyes – of someone who says they’re just there for you, that they love you, when you know that there’s no assurance that they will still be the next day, what should one do?
It’s hard to trust these kinds of things and people. It’s hard to trust something that’s good, as if good things and...
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Foolish eyes.
She said he’ll change, sooner or later, if not for her, but for his kids. I waited, but I saw the devil’s eyes on his face every time he comes home. I saw how his hands reach out for the kitchen knife to stab her. I saw how his mouth stormed out the most absurd profanity, as if he said them so loud that I can’t hear them anymore. I saw how he breaks her fragile body, as fragile as the promise he...
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It’s either there’s a construction site some miles away, or I’m hearing my heart beat in my ears. It’s either love is short, but forgetting is long, or forgetting is just really impossible. It’s either I should find for the answers to these, or I should sleep.
I should sleep.
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You know that rule about not eating two hours before bed? I break that rule like 365 days a year.
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I'm hungry.
I guess saying “stick up with the plan” doesn’t make me stick up with the plan at all. And saying I should stop doesn’t prevent me to do things I’ve been controlling myself from doing. Simply, saying things don’t control my actions. And my actions don’t reflect what I say.
I’ll go to the post office tomorrow then because e-mail is so mainstream~
P.S.
Then tomorrow, I will eat what I said. I...
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Please don’t break my ideals
And say what’s...
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Tonight, I could write down the saddest words, as if words can embody the sadness I feel. As if I could put into words the emotions I feel. There would always be lacks, exaggerations, amplification on certain details, and underrating of some points. There would be justifications and alterations. There would be a whole story to be told in order to express the sadness hidden in the depths of one’s...
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An edulcorant remedy
You’re like my favorite candy store, which I long to see every time after school. I woke up in the morning thinking of you, and I will wait for the whole school day to be over just to see you. You’re like those sweet candies, sweet yet unhealthy when taken too much. There always have to be moderation, and as you always tell me, balance is the key. No wonder, seeing you after a week – such a long...
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Yesterday seems like a century ago.
Mom woke me up telling me she’ll use the camera, which will I be using for the video shoot for our class work. She insisted, telling me she wants to have her officemates’ pictures since she’ll be resigning from work this week. I said mine’s more important, but she said she’s the mother. So I lost the argument.
I got furious, and it was 7 am, and while still wearing my pajamas, I went to the...
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Watchsoberimagineer:
The One That Got Away - Katy Perry ( Bangkok Version )
I died laughing.
OMG
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Oh really?
I just finished the movie. The movie I’ve been dying to watch since last year. But I can’t. I just can’t. But I did. It’s ridiculous how a movie can change my life, but it does. Sometimes, the most ridiculous things, the most insignificant things can change you. Just like how a dust can blind you for a while, just like an ant bite can hurt you. Just like how a reject like “No” can change...
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Play it. Out loud.
My favorite professor required us to watch a movie and to make a reaction paper about it, which will be passed this Wednesday. It’s easy – I’ve downloaded a copy weeks ago, and making a reaction paper is my favorite activity ever. I don’t have any free time this weekend though, because I got so many interviews and photoshoots to attend, oh wait. Let me paraphrase that. I mean, I need to make an...
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After all this time.
I first saw her when she was 7 years old, running around the classroom while her long black hair was swaying behind her. She’s talkative, and she makes the class uproar with her. She’s known – quite known for her name that sounds like the antagonist of the popular cartoon Princess Sarah- and for her charming and energetic disposition. We’ve been classmates in elementary, and together, we talked...
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Saying “how can you be sad when people have it so much worse than you” is as ridiculous as “how can you be happy when people have it so much better than you”.
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Anonymous asked: Totoo ka ba?
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Oh my. Just as I was checking cat blogs, a cat, an orange cat, went in my room! My door is not closed, and I remembered, as in just now, that I haven’t closed the doors downstairs too.
A cat is visiting me. How sweet!
YAY! I knew it! I’m meant to be with cats.
(via twitter)
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My bestfriend, who just gave birth last December, joined a beauty contest last week. She joined one when we were in highschool. She won. This time, she won again, but only as 2nd runner up.
Earlier, my mother saw her pictures on facebook, and she decisively commented on one of my bestfriend’s photo with “Taray! Rampa agad?”
My mother gives me hope.
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Switch on the light.
I let my shadows speak for myself
And then you turned the lights off
Now my shadows are gone with itself
Now, silence is all I could cough.
And I let my silence explain it all
But then you said no word as well
Now our silence becomes our wall
Tell me what can go worse than hell.
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When you least expect it.
I was listening to my professor’s personal story earlier on how he makes his wife and children happy. One was by giving them gifts with no reason at all. He’ll just buy his wife her favorite fruit cake and a whole egg pie for his daughter. Giving them gifts on Christmas, Valentine’s or birthdays is cute, but it’s more meaningful when you give them gifts when they least expect it. He said that they...
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Blank eyes. Blank face.
I’m tired of all of these. This reflecting everything that happens to me. This pondering about what I should do. Making myself guilty with all the things I did. Pre-occupying myself with songs, movies, books and poems. Talking to the wall, to the cat, to the fridge. I hate how I bottle my emotions up in front of people, and then venture them all out on non-responding papers. I’m tired of being...
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There’s a construction site in my ears.
I said I won’t be awake by past midnight because it has this regretful effect on me in the morning when I wake up and the whole day afterwards. And I hate you. You, for making me stay up until past midnight. When the school’s over, I’m sure I’ll miss staying up late for studying. Or should I say, using that excuse to stay up late.
Again, the only decent thing I can talk to, and should just have...
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Procrastinate syndrome
So my mother woke up and saw my room’s lights were still on. She went inside my room and checked my clock. She said “Christine, it’s 3 am already!” I laughed.
If you have read before, I kept my nonfunctioning clock as it is on my wall. It still works though, but in slow motion. I have no plans in changing its batteries.
Who needs clocks when I ignore them?
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Now I regret thinking about getting old
Thinking about that I will soon be an elderly.
It scares me, not because I will soon turn into a mold
But the memories that I will forget as the clock ticks swiftly.
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Wait for me?
When you’re old, you’re more than likely going to regret the things you didn’t do, than the things you did.
He said that. Maybe to justify himself, or to make me feel less guilty. Either way, the thing is, I’m not yet old enough to be glad about all these issues that are killing me now.
But I wonder, if I’m 60 years old, would I still remember all these things? The way I see how the sun rays go...
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Can I have this dance?
No.
I remembered my first js prom that happened three years ago.
We don’t have any money to spend for a gown that will only be worn for a night. So I just borrowed one from my cousin. It was a pink long gown that I nearly died when I saw it. I hate pink. I hate gowns. I hate make ups. Most of all, I hate parties. If weren’t for the *plus points on the grade*, I wouldn’t join the prom. I was forced...
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Curiosity kills?
I keep on making a lot of mess and complications that I know I can’t clean up and fix. I kept on telling myself “Stick with the plan”, but at one point of time, I’d find myself doing things not according to plan. It’s really hard, to go on with the flow when you want to go against it. It’s hard to swim along the current when you want to go to the other side. What’s harder is to find yourself...
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The sun is going down. I am now waking up.
This day, specifically the hot weather, is making me crazy. It made me crazy.
It makes me want curl up inside my cold blanket and sleep all day while listening to Oliver’s sweet meow. Then my sister would knock on my door and would tell me to go down to eat some ice cream. Then we would watch Phineas and Ferb all day, as if it is the only show that I can tolerate to watch. Then I would get back to...
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I'm not purrfect.
I keep on blaming something or someone else for the miseries that befall on me, no matter how insignificant my so-called miseries are compare to that of the world’s. It’s my way of making myself relieved, when I think my miseries are weighing me down too much. What was it our highschool health teacher describe it? Oh. Right. Defense mechanism. And what I’m doing is called Psychological projection....
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c0keain replied to your post: I’ve been nice. Now where’s my prize?
Why do we have to ask for a prize for something our parents pay, right? xD
My thoughts exactly :)
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The high’s and low’s
Low’s
I woke up around 6 am, believing it was 6 am, and too late to realize the clock was broken and it was really 8 am.
My cellphone was missing.
I woke up and it’s already raining. The sky was so dark.
I was late for my 9am seminar
My umbrella was missing!
I used the gigantic umbrella available.
I went through the swarm of people in NBI.
The umbrella broke because of them.
I went to school...
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Tears fall down from her eyes. She let her tears trace every line of his face, every contour of his body. She let her tears wash his dirt, his sorrows, his pain. She let her tears feed his needs, and nurture his thoughts. She let her sadness dispel on him, to show him that through her sadness, he can be whole again. She cried all morning, thinking it was for his own good, rather than hers. She...
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I’ve been nice. Now where’s my prize?
It’s your duty to study hard and give your best to get good grades, not as a way to show your parents that you’re a good kid, and eventually use it to bribe for some prize. This belief might have uprooted from my parents’ neutral response when I show them my *good* grades. They don’t see it as my voluntary gift for them, but as a duty that I need to fulfill. Education is a right, and I’m blessed...
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People meet by reason
But with them, they met by season
And as summer is at bay
She has to bid him a good day.
So let them make the most of this month
Every second of their everyday they shall surmount
Then they shall forget each other
Saying “hello” again, they shouldn’t bother.
What is it that he says?
“How come we can’t make things on our way?”
She says “Blame the season, my dear friend”
For it...
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I think this is a confession.
Out of boredom, I checked my facebook account. I actually prevented myself from doing so, to avoid the comments, messages and all to answer. Eventually, my curiosity pushed me to log in. So far, my notifications reached 100+, including those *blah*villes requests from relatives and former teachers. I checked my photo albums (they’re in private now though), and reminisce~ the times when I was brave...
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How much did they pay you?
I just got home from accompanying my siblings to a kiddie workshop. At least I got free ice cream. I think this is my fate; being around people younger than me by 10 years until I grow old. Blame them for my childlike behavior. Sometimes, I forgot that I’m older than them. I always act younger than what I really am. And I hate it. I hate being regarded as the young kid who doesn’t know anything...
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A Faceless dream.
My dream is to meet a person from each nation, and collect a memory from each country. I want to learn each language, until I understand the language that no one can realize. I want to read different books of different authors, until I write down my own story that’s worthy enough to be read by my kids. I want to see all the colors of the spectrum, until I come up with the colorless bucket of paint...
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So if you’re lonely You know I’m here...
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Glass breaks so easily. No matter how careful you...
When I was in highschool, we made a short film with the Glass Menagerie by Tennessee Williams story. I played Laura’s part. She’s the crippled girl in the story, and she’s so sensitive and fragile, that it made her so insecure about everything. I actually understand her, so no wonder I was picked to play her part. We shoot the film in my classmate’s house, and during the shoot, we broke so many...