Misfortunes and minor victories

Curiosity kills?

I keep on making a lot of mess and complications that I know I can’t clean up and fix. I kept on telling myself “Stick with the plan”, but at one point of time, I’d find myself doing things not according to plan. It’s really hard, to go on with the flow when you want to go against it. It’s hard to swim along the current when you want to go to the other side. What’s harder is to find yourself struggling in a river of thoughts when you know you can’t swim, yet, you try to swim against the stream. I think – and it’s too late to realize this – that I destroyed something beautiful, just because I was curious, I was bored, I was apprehended to do so.

When I think about it, I tell myself that everyone makes mistakes, and by it, I will learn something, and eventually, I will not commit on doing the same things again. However, this mistake I did was something I shouldn’t have done in the first place, because I already know the consequences of it by looking at other people’s examples. That I don’t have to go through it just for the sake of learning something, because I can know about it by observing others. I don’t have to degrade myself, just for the sake of experience and story to tell.

But what’s done is done. Past is past. But this will haunt me forever. It scares me, but at the same time, I got something to look after to when I overcome this phase. I still keep on believing that this is just a phase that will be over soon.

Curiosity kills the cat indeed. Do I still have other 8 lives to spare?