Blank eyes. Blank face.

I’m tired of all of these. This reflecting everything that happens to me. This pondering about what I should do. Making myself guilty with all the things I did. Pre-occupying myself with songs, movies, books and poems. Talking to the wall, to the cat, to the fridge. I hate how I bottle my emotions up in front of people, and then venture them all out on non-responding papers. I’m tired of being melodramatic and sentimental with almost everything. I’m tired of feeling emotions. Sounds stupid, but, yes, I am tired. I’m tired.

Can I just have one day to not feel anything at all? To not care about anything at all? Just one day, where I could just have my mind filled with school lesson and stuff. Without the worries, the guilt, the happiness, the sadness. Just one day, to not give a care with anyone. Just one day, when I don’t know anybody. No one at all. Just one day when I can just be at school, absorb everything the professor says and absorb all the books in political science and philosophy says. Just one day, without the feelings. Just one day, when I can be just a robot.

Just one day. Then, stop the time on that one day.

Can I?

I can’t, and that’s just depressing me more.

Good thing my favorite professor assigned something to read again. The Prince, by Machiavelli. And the Communist Manifesto, and the Urban Theory. I think I should start reading things about Capitalism too. My mother was arguing with me about that last night when I showed her a post regarding the functions of malls, and she won.